This new year ain't newing.

 Idk but I naturally don't gaf about new years. I know it's an opportunity to set new goals but what's the point if you enter the new year feeling unfulfilled?

I guess the average person gets this rush of hope when they see that they've crossed over to a new digit they can write on dates. But honestly, I'm just feeling very meh.

I'm anxious about results, taking on more responsibilities, and the rejections that I'll inevitably experience. ( already experiencing some, in fact ) 

I'm still waiting for that glimmer of hope. That moment of clarity where I see great potential in this year. Where I'll feel like a mountain climber who finally got the guts to scale an intimidating mountain. But at this moment, I'm still at the couch level. Useless, unmotivated, and just eating and sleeping.

I'm happy for the people whose years have already started on a good note because my constant mood these days is annoyance. I don't even have the strength to put foolish memes in this write-up because I'm that demoralized.

The only reason I'm even writing this is because someone asked, and it has definitely helped. I really appreciate you. I already rant to friends but there's something about your emotions powering every tap your fingers make on the keyboard. Makes me feel like I'm slapping or pinching every nuisance in my life.

I trust myself though, when I start feeling like a distinguished fuck up, my eyes go clear. But for now, I just want to wallow in self-pity and anger for a little while longer.

So happy new year? To new mistakes, wins, friends, jobs, and whatever else this year brings.

At least we're alive? lol, yay us!